Shammi came to Bollywood with stars in her eyes. She had beauty. But in show-business, beauty is just one element. Shammi had started out very young in an industry that was always on the lookout for fresh faces. Things had gone well for Shammi and the dreams of ruling the industry had not seemed so far-fetched for a while. She almost got up there. Then her dream crashed. A few bad choices of films and Shammi was written off. Bollywood, in its many avatars, could be merciless. No matter what she did, no matter the long hours she kept, the work she chose, Shammi could not find a foothold back among the top in the industry. But the taste of success remained in her mouth. Enough for her to keep stretching, hoping, walking around in her life, blinkered. Films ruined her whole life. Looking back, Shammi realized that they had perhaps ruined her marriage too. Or would it have crumbled anyway? Was she too much in love with herself that there was no room in her heart for anyone else? Perhaps. Shyam walked off. Shammi was left alone with a little child holding her hand. Simran was dragged from set to set while Shammi hunted for work. Simran grew up on sets. Cinema was in her blood. By the time she was sixteen, producers started eyeing her. By the time she was nineteen, she was established in Bollywood and had a fan-following to be envied. Shammi didn’t have to approach any film-maker for a role for her daughter. Shammi watched her daughter, at first with a mixture of mild jealousy and much protectiveness. Then, she learnt to enjoy it. Soon she felt relief and pride. Shammi’s career was not meant to be, but thank god her fatherless child (because Shyam never showed his face again) would be all right.
Simran, shy, beautiful and reticent, bloomed on a film set. Acting seemed to be her second nature. When Shammi learnt to be comfortable with Simran’s success at work, she watched her daughter’s career with admiration. Money started coming again and Shammi could indulge in small pleasures. She saw to it that she managed Simran and her projects. She worried for her daughter. May she never choose a wrong film. I won’t be able to watch my own life happen all over again. Please god! That is why, when Raj fell head-over-heels in love with Simran, Shammi did the hard thing of telling Simran to choose marriage over films.
Shammi knew that a career in films came with loads of insecurities and jealousies. And in a space where women mostly played decorative roles and where your status was as unsteady as the stock market, Shammi knew that Raj, with his impeccable family background and money, was the best bet.
Simran had complied, as she did with every decision of Shammi’s.
Shammi had been watching Simran socialize. She’s a natural at this. Should she have continued working? Shammi often wondered if her decision for her daughter was right.
But today, on an evening like this, when she saw her daughter glowing with self-assurance, Shammi felt elated.
She had taken the right decision for her daughter all those years ago. I never had anyone taking care of me. There was no one to guide me. The Mehras loved Simran. It showed. And Raj was doing better than she had dreamt.
Raj stood on the stairs waving. Always the hero. And then, Sia turned up at the door. Simran stood for a moment, witnessing the silence, the shifting, knowing glances and the hushed restart of conversations. Shammi watched as if in a trance.
She watched her daughter continue to glide from visitor to visitor—still playing her part. Still performing. At some point we are all always performing. Was Raj also performing? It was difficult to not notice the way his face glowed when his eyes took in Sia. Shammi gritted her teeth, then sighed. The travails of stardom. If you think you’re God and if every woman you meet is ready to fall at your feet, why wouldn’t you cheat? A fling here and there is normal.
Shammi glanced at Simran. She seemed slightly pale. Every time the gossip columns tattled about Raj and his new arm candy, Shammi would reassure her daughter. ‘A clingy wife only serves to drive the husband further away,’ she would tell Simran. And even if that failed, a shopping expedition certainly did the trick! Either way, Shammi knew, her daughter ruled Bollywood by default right now. And through her, since she had always lived vicariously through Simran, so did Shammi. Tonight was a special night. After all, she was going to meet everyone in his family for the first time. Sia was very nervous but it didn’t show. Standing inside the Mehra house with the family gathered nearby and all those who mattered eyeing her, Sia surveyed the scene in front of her. Everything had to be right. Everyone was looking at her. But Sia was used to that. She smiled and walked towards Raj. She planned her entry meticulously. She had to look perfect. Twenty outfits from top designers had been viewed and rejected. In the end, she had picked up a sari. It made the highlights in her hair shimmer. The make-up was artfully done. She had to look young and fresh. It was a child’s birthday party after all. Everyone’s eyes would be on her, as usual. Yet she must not look like she cared too much.
‘Madam, that’s a beautiful sari. It will go very well with your complexion,’ Shukla-ji, her personal assistant had said. ‘Shukla-ji, do you know what is the best outfit in the whole world?’ Sia had replied. ‘It’s a success. A person who wears success will look good in anything.’ The gift was also planned. A beautiful charm bracelet in gold from Tiffany & Co. with the letters of Trishala’s name engraved on each charm. Expensive, but not shouting it out. Sia had gazed at it when it came. ‘It’s beautiful. I hope Trishala will like it.’ And Raj too. There he was. He too was looking only at her. Just looking at him made her heart skip. He did feel something for her, didn’t he? Was it possible that the star who everyone was crazy about her? It was funny that she had everything she had ever set out to achieve. But the more she achieved, the more she lost out on the simplest pleasures. She couldn’t take a stroll out on the streets when she wanted to, she couldn’t be seen hanging out at a cafe with a magazine without attracting attention.
She couldn’t even go and pick her own clothes. Worse, she couldn’t have a simple dinner out with the love of her life. I need a smoke right now. Sia had taken her time to get ready. She draped the yellow and gold sari around herself with care. She looked at herself and laughed. She had lost more weight. Yoga. She had mentioned this in some interview. After that, all the heroines she met wanted to know who her trainer was. She always gave them the details. You can stand on your head all day but you’ll never look as good as me!
The blouse would need to be tucked in. Sia called Gracy in. Gracy—who had been doing Sia’s hair and makeup ever
since the super successful Raahi– walked in and immediately knew what had to be done. ‘Makeup?’ asked Gracy after the blouse was perfected. ‘No.’ Sia wanted to do it herself today. Pale gold Jimmy Choos and a green Fendi clutch completed her look. When Shukla-ji came back into the wardrobe, he was all praise. ‘Madam, you are looking divine. No other woman in the party will be looking even half as good as you.’ Sometimes, it was good to hear what you already knew. Sia smiled at her reflection. Tonight, she was going to need all the confidence she could muster. The makeup was perfect. Her long, black hair framed her face. Her large, black eyes were rimmed with kajal and lashes were swept with mascara. No eye shadow. Her lips had a hint of translucent gloss and the blue brocade blouse of her sari perfectly complemented her alabaster complexion. Her skin glowed; the result of endless hours in the gym and her wonderful cosmetologist, Dr Rashmi Shetty. She chose not to wear jewellery, except for a pair of ornateJadau earrings set with Polki diamonds. She wondered what Simran would say when she saw her. Meeting Simran would be the tough part, and something she was not looking forward to at all. But it was unavoidable. She gathered her clutch in her arms and was inserting the gift in it when her
mother stepped in.
It is often said that the mothers of actresses in Bollywood call the shots in the film industry. With Sulochana Devi, this was an understatement. There was not a whiff of air that could reach Sia, without first being examined and approved by Sulochana. Known for her mercurial temper and an unerring eye for the right projects for Sia, she was nothing short of a control freak.
Once Sia was on a project, her mother would uncompromisingly negotiate for the best deal for Sia and she always made sure she got them too. She had such a vigilant eye on her daughter that none of Sia’s leading men even dared to show any sort of romantic interest in her. Sulochana Devi was sure of one thing – one day, when the time was right, Sia would leave the film world behind and settle down with a very, very rich man. But until then, she would have to slog.
Raj was the only thorn in Sulochana Devi’s side. She had been against him from the very first film they had done together. He had a reputation for being a ladies’ man. His success gave him a sort of arrogance that girls found very attractive. And he seemed to have taken a shine to Sia. As far as she could, she ensured Sia stayed away.
But she fell ill and could not accompany Sia on a shoot abroad. Shukla-ji was sent. But Shukla-ji was Shukla-ji. Raj wooed her. By the time the shoot was tied up, Sia had fallen head over heels in love with Raj. By the time Sulochana got her report, threw off her bed clothes and marched to the site, the deed was done. Nothing Sulochana said or did could make a difference to her smitten daughter. ‘I have done every single thing you’ve ordered,’ said Sia after one snarling fight. ‘Don’t stop me now.’ And it was not the words. It was the look in Sia’s eyes that forced Sulochana to grit her teeth and witness the madness.
Long ago, Sulochana had promised herself that she would make her daughter the reigning queen of show-business. Sia’s involvement with a married filmstar was disaster spelled out in capital letters for Sulochana. But she realized that the more she protested, the more she drove Sia into Raj’s arms. And so, she swallowed her anger and stood watching helplessly.
When she entered the room and saw Sia all dressed up to go to that man’s daughter’s birthday party, something seemed to snap inside Sulochana. There was her divinely beautiful and talented daughter blindly stumbling towards an aging actor with two kids. Her hatred for Raj surged up her throat like bile. Biting back her rage, she said, ‘Beta, you are looking exceptionally beautiful today. All those directors who force you to put on loads of makeup should see you now. So natural and yet, so breathtaking.’ Sia, nervous in the presence of her mother, said, ‘Thanks, Mamma.’
Sulochana continued, ‘We must get you to act in one of those art film-type movies now. You know the ones where the heroine goes without makeup and all. It’s about time you got a couple of national awards.’ Sia was not surprised. All her mother thought was work and how to get Sia up there. She nodded and got ready to leave. Sulochana asked sharply, ‘Where are you going today?’ ‘Mamma, I told you today morning that I am going to Raj’s daughter’s birthday party.’
Sulochana said quietly, ‘And I told you not to.’ They stood opposite each other, glaring angrily. ‘You and Raj are in the news for all the wrong reasons of late,’ said Sulochana, hissing with anger. ‘Everyone is still gossiping about how you were at his office till 3 in the morning a few days back. Now, you decide to turn up at his house, that too for his daughter’s birthday party? What does a kid’s birthday party have anything to do with you? What do you want? You think his family will take you in their arms? He’s a married man, Sia! Don’t be stupid…’ And even as the words spilled out of her lips, Sulochana knew it was the wrong thing to say. Sia reacted. ‘Enough Mamma, that’s enough! No one takes these gossip magazines seriously.’ Sulochana said wryly, ‘Really, Sia? Then how come you want these very magazines to take you seriously every time you have a new project to promote? People are not fools.
They know there can never be any smoke without fire.’ Sia coolly walked towards the door. She did not want to get into another argument; today of all the days. ‘I’m leaving, Mamma. Raj has invited me. He wants me to be there. He wants me to meet his family because very soon I will be a part of it.’ And without looking back to see how the words stung her mother, Sia walked off. But Sulochana’s words followed her. ‘I curse the day you met him, Sia! This man is never going to give you a legitimate status in society. He cares too much for his reputation to leave his wife. You’ll end up like one of those actresses who change their religion in order to be the second wife, and you’ll be stuck with that status forever. You’ll have to live a lifetime of loneliness, and he’ll just turn up as a guest at your own children’s weddings!’
Sia saw Simran approach her with a sweet smile. In her head, her mother’s words kept ringing. She smiled back and allowed herself to be escorted inside the house. Simran was saying something to her and Sia, thankfully, didn’t have to answer because by then, Raj and his entourage had arrived. Raj held out his hand. Sia’s heart soared.
She would have good news to give to Mamma tonight, and then there was SubhashBhai to talk work with. Surely, Mamma would be delighted. Sia cast a surreptitious look around the room. Yes, everyone’s eyes were on her. I look good. She glanced at Raj and her heart skipped a beat. Raj said, ‘Welcome, Sia. I am so glad you could make it.’
Sia read the message in his eyes—his desire.
