On Marriage
‘Ja Simran ja, jee le apni zindagi.’
—Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge (1995)
Raj saw Simran. Simran saw Raj. Sparks flew. Even the audience could smell the pheromones in the air. A longish struggle followed, where it felt like the lovers were losing. And then, the much-hoped-for happily ever after ending followed suit as the dilwaala took his dulhania home. The audience heaved a collective sigh of relief. Cinematic history was made. And we all dreamt of marriages being forever!
Cut to, ‘Shaadi is dal chawal for pachaas saal till you die . . . arrey life mein thoda bahut keema pav, tangdi kabab, hakka noodle bhi hona chahiya na?’ This is not exactly what you would like to think about marriage, especially, when these lines are mouthed by Ranbir Kapoor’s Bunny to Deepika Padukone’s Naina in Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani (2013).
In films, usually the culmination of a romance into marriage is the end. But in real life, marriage is just the beginning, if you will.
We all want the perfect marriage and perfection requires work. Issues do arise, from the minor to the major, even in the most perfect marriage. Films made on the subject can be helpful guides on what not to do and how to clean up the mess if already done. The best attitude one can adopt is to hope for the best but always be prepared for the worst. This is the only way to ensure that life surprises rather than shocks one.
Hrishikesh Mukherjee’s Abhimaan (1973) is a beautiful film made on marriage and everything that it entails. Despite its release in the seventies, it is still relevant. It is an emotional drama with love, ego, and understanding at its crux. It is the story of Subir, a famous Hindi film playback singer, who falls in love with Uma, a simple village belle. She has had extensive training in classical music and naturally outshines her husband when he encourages her to display her talent professionally. Her success makes Subir jealous and insecure to such a point that he begins to ignore Uma completely even when she insists that she wants no part of this fame. Ironically, she would much prefer to be a stay-at-home wife. A pregnant and heartbroken Uma returns to her parent’s home, a decision she takes after much heartache. However, the two of them decide to make their marriage work. Could the marriage be salvaged because one of the partners—in this case, presumably, Uma—chose to step back and let the other partner shine?
Abhimaan takes a sensitive approach to this vexing situation and, therefore, makes it to the must-watch list in this category. While one can question why it is always the woman who needs to make the sacrifice, times are changing, albeit slowly, but surely. The film’s message of enjoying the good times but working at getting over the bad ones makes it timeless. Even if you aren’t married, the film is a good guide to conducting yourself when you are actually in a relationship, and, of course, what pitfalls to avoid if you do decide to get married.
While Uma had to rein in her ambition in Abhimaan, would young girls today do the same? This point was drawn home in Sultan (2016), directed by Ali Abbas Zafar. When Aarfa steps back and allows Sultan to shine in the arena of wrestling, the fame goes to his head. It is the loss of their baby that makes Aarfa take a stand, and she walks out of the marriage. The film then shows Sultan’s journey to try and get back the lost love of his life. It is a hopeless battle but one he chooses to take on. The film is a beautiful depiction of what two partners in a marriage should be like towards each other. Sultan is a typical man’s man, one who wants a son at all costs. Aarfa, however, is today’s woman and is not burdened by archaic beliefs. Aarfa’s attitude is the catalyst that sets Sultan on a journey of repentance. Does he redeem himself in her eyes after subjecting her to the worst? The film is important because of the message it imparts, which is—one should always enter a marriage as an equal and keep it that way.
