Excerpt
Devi went to class but she couldn’t get that girl out of her mind and she didn’t even know her name. At lunch it was the same, she kept wondering who the girl was and had no appetite for food. She tried to check herself, her thoughts. What was happening to her? She was acting like she was in love, except that this was a girl. And then, at other times, it seemed the most natural thing to her. Devi was very confused.
Things got only worse by evening. There was knock on the door of her room and when Devi answered it, Ishwari was standing outside with the Warden who said, ‘Devi, this is Ishwari and she will be sharing your room with you.’
Ishwari smiled with delight at Devi and Devi knew she was done for. She cordially let Ishwari in and helped her in settling down, but inside, she felt a strange desire for this girl, something she had never felt before. As she delicately undid the locks on one of her suitcases, she found herself looking at Ishwari the way boys would often look at other girls. This was just going to be very difficult. She barely knew this girl. She knew that she was going to have to hide her feelings very well indeed.
Ishwari was a shy girl herself but she wondered why Devi held back so much. She had heard about what had happened with Devi’s previous roommate Kamla Rathore, and put it down to “Devi missing her. And so over the next few days, Devi stayed away while Ishwari tried to reach out to her. Kamla had been very welcoming towards Devi when she had just come to college, while Devi was being very cold and distant with Ishwari. There were only perfunctory greetings and cordial good mornings.
Early one morning, As Devi slept, Ishwari cried into her pillow. Giridhar had not called her for the last few days. She was miserable and had no one she could talk to. Devi didn’t seem like she would be interested at all in lending her shoulder for her to cry on. And the worst thing was that there were all kinds of situations going on in her head now. Was Giridhar still talking to Meera Maa in her absence? Would he come to visit the house despite Ishwari not being there?
Devi woke up to the sound of gentle sobs. Ishwari was curled up and facing the other way, holding on to a pillow tightly. She sighed. If she wasn’t warm now, it would just be inhumane.
‘What is the matter Ishwari?’ asked a concerned Devi. Ishwari looked up at her, with tearstains on her cheeks, and before words could escape her mouth, there were tears. She was bawling now, and made Devi worried that someone from outside would hear them and wonder if everything was alright.
Devi sat down beside Ishwari and heard her talk of why she had been sent to Udaipur. Ishwari told her about her stepmother who relished putting her down. She talked to Devi of how her father never had the time or the inclination to spend time with her. Ishwari then told Devi of how she saw her marriage to Giridhar as the only way out for her, and even about Pratap Mama.
Devi founds herself a little dismayed at the fact that Ishwari was engaged but quickly brushed off her thoughts. This was about Ishwari, not herself, and at this time Ishwari required Devi to be a friend more than anything else. Ishwari just needed a hug, and Devi tried to be as platonic as she could. They began to attend classes together, study together and even hang out in the college campus together. The other girls noticed and wondered about their sudden camaraderie but Devi didn’t care. In her head this was what a good roommate would do, so she was doing nothing wrong.
Ishwari and Devi began going for long walks post dinner and talking about their lives. Ishwari realized Devi was very different from her and yet she thoroughly enjoyed her company. Giridhar would call up sometimes but even if he didn’t, Ishwari had stopped missing him so terribly. She admired the quiet self confidence that Dev seems to exude, despite being so different from the other girls in the college.
It was a revelation for Ishwari one night when Devi told her that she would actually have not been alive if it hadn’t been for her father. ‘Really, your own grandfather tried to kill you?’ asked an incredulous Ishwari.
Devi nodded her head and said, ‘So see, your stepmother is not that bad.’
At the mention of Meera, Ishwari was livid. She said, ‘Oh Devi, don’t get me started. Meera Maa is so friendly with Giridhar that it makes me uncomfortable. But then I cannot say anything because if I do, Maa will ensure Papa comes down hard on me.’
Devi thought for a moment and said, ‘I don’t think it will be that bad. When you haven’t tried talking to him, how can you say so? Who knows, even he may have noticed and must be wondering if he is in the wrong. You know Ishwari, our fathers are always softer than they let on.’
Ishwari had a smile on her face. ‘Devi, you love your father a lot don’t you?’
‘He is the reason I can be who I am, and it is because of Mai and him that I am here. Trust me Ishwari, our parents are the only ones who will always love us no matter who and what we choose to be.’
Ishwari impulsively held Devi’s hand and said, ‘I feel the same about you too. That you love me no matter what I tell you. Devi, you can trust me too. I will always stand by you, whenever you need me.’
Devi smiled, but her heart was fluttering again, almost like her being was begging her to say something to Ishwari in that moment about how she felt and had been feeling. But how could she possibly know how Ishwari would react; she might hate Devi and never speak to her again. She didn’t want to make Ishwari feel like Rambhi had made her feel. Devi stared at the moon wondering if she was destined to be lonely for the rest of her life. As the end of term drew close, classes for Devi and Ishwari became very hectic. For the courses that they did have in common, they used to attend classes together, sitting together and sharing notes. The whole college knew that they were the best of friends, and one girl in particular observed patiently; Rambhi knew something about Devi that nobody else did.
